Learning to love my anger/ rage as a practice

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Burning Desire, Mariko Mori 

Anger appears as a faint buzz in the back of my brain, a mild irritation, a barely noticeable ticking noise growing louder. A high pitched detonator inside my brain. Me, me, me. Hate, hate, hate. Instead of becoming aware and calming down, the charge goes off, I lose it and fly off the handle into blind rage. 

It comes on unexpectedly, sneaks up on me like a ninja and before I know it I am in the midst of it, burning, blinded by the heat, a destructive tornado of fire. I am pushing it and pushing it and I just can not stop. I catch myself within 10 minutes or so but for me, this is too long to be unaware.

Oh God, I hate it. So many years of practice, reading, journaling, reflecting, meditating, chanting, shadow work, plant medicines even, and I am still the same angry person who flies into fits of rage just like her father used to. I am an angry Buddhist. A phony holy. A fake. Continue reading

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On being and purpose

In the quote below Zen Buddhist Ruben L.F. Habito says that when we meditate (or are being mindful), that expansive feeling of calm, oneness and peace that we experience is us reuniting with the Divine, God, higher self. Could it be that being in this state as much as we can and acting from this place as often as possible is the biggest life achievement, even life purpose? I need to add this to my Life Purpose mind map.

We are invited to sit in silence, and to immerse ourselves in the vast and boundless ocean of “to be,” and to know that with this, there is nothing else we could ever want, there is nothing else we could ever need in life. We can just continue our lives keeping ourselves dipped in that ocean and immersed in the living waters that flow from there. Whatever we would need in life would come from that abundant source, in whatever situation we may encounter from here on.

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Rumination, or obsessive thinking, and what to do when it becomes too much

Many of us believe that we are our thoughts, or rather many of us don’t stop to think whether what our minds are telling us in the form of thoughts is true or not, because the belief that thoughts are us is so ingrained in us. And so many of us ruminate, get stuck in the cycle of repetitive thoughts, usually negative, going on a mental merry-go-round, repeating the same thoughts and feeling the same (negative) feelings, like a broken record. 

By letting the problem replay over and over in your mind, you are engaging in a process which is called “rumination.” Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one’s negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Rumination: Problem Solving Gone Wrong | Psychology Todaywww.psychologytoday.com › overcoming-self-sabotage

What is worse is that neuroscience tells us that the more we do it, the more we reinforce related neural pathways, or in other words the deeper the groove of our mental record, the worse off mentally we are and ruminating (and descending into resulting emotional darkness) becomes something we engage in regularly and automatically. It can even evolve into a mental health illness: 

Rumination is sometimes referred to as a “silent” mental health problem because its impact is often underestimated. But it plays a big part in anything from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) to eating disorders. Rumination: The danger of dwelling – BBC News – BBC.comwww.bbc.com › news › magazine-24444431

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Watching the watcher meditation

This is pretty advanced and only best to try if you have an established meditation practice, are familiar with ego death or have experienced it before. If you are stuck in the emptiness practice, this is also a good next step.

It is what it says on the tin. As we meditate, we learn to watch the river of thoughts. In the “watch the watcher” practice we take it up a notch and attempt to see who is watching. It is explained very well below:

Source: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/5643-watching-vs-watching-the-watcher/
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On stillness, slow life and non doing

For the last year I’ve been practicing non doing and living a simple, slow life. A spiritual quarantine of sorts. Monk life. One of my friends has sent me the following meme, which she said reminded her of me. It made me laugh. Translation is below. It is a good reminder that we can always further our stillness and non doing practice. Why? Only in stillness we can hear our soul and see the next steps of our path…

– What are you up to?
– Watching the trees grow.
– Rushing still…
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Dreamy aerial strap artists… Thank you, Cirque du Soleil 🤩

There is something about aerial strap (men) artists… Remember this post from before? Cirque du Soleil did a cool thing and posted several clip compilations of their shows on Youtube. Luzia, the show that I wanted to go see in London and never managed (regretfully), features an amazing aerial strap performance from Ben Courtenay. OMG. Remember to breathe 😊 His performance starts from 49:49.

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“My soul drifts light upon a sea of trees” — a film about a Zen priest helping depressed, suicidal people.

After losing two friends and an uncle to suicide, Zen priest Ittetsu Nemoto made it his life’s mission to support those struggling with depression and suicidal behavior. My Soul Drifts Light upon a Sea of Trees follows three of the hundreds of people Nemoto has counseled as their lives are transformed by his holistic, community-based approach to suicide prevention.

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Some light in the dark – positive news amidst the pandemic #coronavirus

In the first couple of weeks of The Great Lockdown, I have spent too much time on the news feeds obsessively reading the news and feeding my fears of uncertainty and missing out. Once the panic subsided, I have cut the news intake to preserve my sanity. I now try to check the news no more than once a day and sometimes forget to do so. I started collecting positive news in the midst of the pandemic. Here are some that caught my attention. Add links in the comment if you have others to share. Stay safe and stay sane, fellow nomads! Continue reading

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Have A Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics — May 11th on Netflix

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A cat, some fish and a jigsaw puzzle :)

Just a super cute photo from the blog I follow. Jigsaw puzzle during quarantine, check. An adorable cheeky little kitty, check. Instant smile 🙂  Source here

that moment when you’ve worked very hard on something and suddenly someone jumps up front and center just as the last piece is put in  and it’s photo…

credit.
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Which mindset zone are you in during Covid-19?

I’ve seen this chart on Professor Scott Galloway’s Linkedin page (I listen to his Prof G show and Pivot podcast with him almost exclusively now) and it is the best visual summary of our mindset options during this pandemic. I’ve spent a few too many weeks in the Fear Zone I must admit, but since I’ve been in the Learning and Growth Zones and it’s been one helluva ride so far!

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Don’t push away the fear

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Source: Ram Dass Fellowship (Facebook)

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Burn, baby, burn. What can we do with ourselves in times of coronavirus.

Who is up to what these days? I volunteer with the Hear Me App where I talk to folks from all over the world who need someone to talk to. And everyone is struggling, myself included. I’ve spent the first several weeks of the quarantine in a slump – no energy, no motivation, not eating or sleeping well, obsessively checking the news. Since, I’ve worked on bringing back the structure, the routine, drumming up exercise, making sure I sleep enough and trying (trying!) to stop eating biscuits and chocolate. I am far from “normal” but I am making progress. Baby steps… 

These are sad, uncertain, worrying times. It is normal to feel down, anxious and depressed. I bet no one, no one is feeling ok. We are stuck with ourselves amplifying everything we might have been running from before. Life choices, decisions, behaviours, beliefs – everything is under review. Everything is being questioned. 

We have to focus on what we can control. We can not control the virus, the news or the death stats. We can control how healthy and safe we and our loved ones are, we can keep our body, mind and spirit in shape and we can use this time as a practice to work on becoming aware of and burning through “our stuff”, like Ram Dass teaches in his Dharmic Fire talk. As Buddhists see it, suffering is a fodder for growth if you don’t try to run away from suffering. Out of mud lotus flower springs.

Connect, support, help, give, be kind, be creative, be mindful. Above all, give yourself a break, practice self-compassion and self-care. Baby steps. Tiny progress. We are all in this together. Stay safe, fellow nomads. 

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“Fantastic Fungi”: a documentary about mushrooms 🍄

Paul Stamets, the biggest world’s mushroom enthusiast 😊 fascinates me. His passion for mushrooms and fungi is awe inspiring. He already has a Ted talk that has been viewed more than 6 million times and now there is a documentary featuring him on how awesome mushrooms are and how we can use them to feed, heal and protect the world. Ethical Superstore sell a mushroom growing kit… just saying! Enjoy!

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⚠️ “Becoming Nobody” with Ram Dass is finally streaming in the UK (and worldwide) 🙏

I consider Ram Dass to be my guru. He has been one of my most important spiritual mentors. His teachings led me to psilocybin, further study of Buddhism and radically changed how I see myself, other people and reality, and how I live my life.

He has left his body last year, just before my 40th birthday. “Becoming Nobody”, the title of his last documentary, which is also the essence of his teachings, has been finally released worldwide. What a beautiful being he was! You can watch it on Gaia with a free 1-week trial.

Trailer here:

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