My book on love addiction is now out on Amazon!

It’s a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a blog, must be in want of publishing a book 🙂 I went the self publishing route and did it. My mini guide to healing love addiction is now available on Amazon.

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Art therapy – Three magic words #poetry #poem

“Beauty evolves from emptiness into form.”
— Christopher Alexander

I am emptiness. I am form. I am beauty.
I create form out of emptiness and beauty out of form.
Or rather emptiness makes form beautiful.
Is it form that gives emptiness beauty?
Or is the process of creation inherently beautiful?
Beautiful empty form,
Empty form beauty,
Form beauty emptiness.
Emptiness is form.
Form is empty.
Beauty is emptiness in form,
Form in emptiness.
Emptiness into form,
Form into emptiness –
Ultimate alchemy.
Big. Bang.
Beauty of form,
Beauty of emptiness,
Beauty as the outset,
Beauty as an outcome,
Beauty in the process,
Beauty of the process.
Beautiful emptiness of form.
Beautiful form of emptiness.
Empty beauty of form.
Form emptiness of beauty.
Creation for the sake of creation.

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Bliss (I am the light of my soul)

I’ve discovered this beautiful song (chant? affirmation?) through my friend, Sarit. It sings like a mantra or prayer. Wayne Dyer talks about how in the Bible the God is called “I am”. I am indeed. 

I am the light of my soul. I am beautiful I am. Bountiful I am bliss. I am I am. 

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“Dance In The Fire” practice to manage emotions

Dawa Tarchin Phillips What To Do When You Don’t Know What’s Next

I am going to lead you through a short exercise with your emotions. The first emotion that I would like you to connect with is the emotion of sadness. Think of a time when something hurt or disappointed you; when someone or something broke your heart. Let that emotion arise and experience it. Maybe you lost something or someone special. How does your body experience sadness?

How does your posture express sadness? Now change that feeling by remembering a moment when something went your way. You experienced a success, a real personal triumph. Remember how proud everyone was of you? You knocked it out of the park! Let that emotion come in. Feel the success, the exhilaration and satisfaction of that moment. Let it show in your posture.

Now switch back to sadness again. Reconnect to that emotion from before.

And now change your state of mind again. This time, remember the first time that you fell in love—maybe the first time you held that person in your arms. Let this experience of love fill you. Feel the love of that extraordinary moment. Maybe the moment that comes to mind is when you had your first child, or you got engaged, or you fell head over heels for a dog at the animal shelter. Let the feeling of love arise in you and let it transpire in your attitude.

Now, change your state of mind again, and this time tune into joy. Let pure joy arise within you. What does it feel like? What does joy want to do through you? What is the message joy has for you? Open up to it, let it come in, let it express.

All of these feelings and emotions carry great intensity. That brings us to the sixth principle: dance in the fire. We’re talking about awareness of a mind that is constantly liberating emotions and experiences. In the midst of it all, you can realize that you’re actually not trapped. You’ve just illustrated through the exercise above that you can switch emotions quickly if you give yourself permission to do so. All it takes is a shift in your thoughts, a shift in your attitude, a shift in your focus, and your experience changes. You’re free to make that shift at any time. The question then becomes: What will you do with that freedom? How will you use it, and to what aim?

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It is the small things #happiness

As I learn to listen to and live according to my intuition, my soul, I learn to notice signs from the Universe. The latest one is this chap that I found tucked behind the gas pipe on the side of our house next to the rubbish bins. I’ve taken rubbish out so many times, yet I have never noticed him there. He looks weathered but I like his imperfections. I guess it’s a thumbs up from the Universe? 😊 Ram Ram.

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Learning to love my anger/ rage as a practice


Burning Desire, Mariko Mori 

Anger appears as a faint buzz in the back of my brain, a mild irritation, a barely noticeable ticking noise growing louder. A high pitched detonator inside my brain. Me, me, me. Hate, hate, hate. Instead of becoming aware and calming down, the charge goes off, I lose it and fly off the handle into blind rage. 

It comes on unexpectedly, sneaks up on me like a ninja and before I know it I am in the midst of it, burning, blinded by the heat, a destructive tornado of fire. I am pushing it and pushing it and I just can not stop. I catch myself within 10 minutes or so but for me, this is too long to be unaware.

Oh God, I hate it. So many years of practice, reading, journaling, reflecting, meditating, chanting, shadow work, plant medicines even, and I am still the same angry person who flies into fits of rage just like her father used to. I am an angry Buddhist. A phony holy. A fake. Continue reading

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On being and purpose

In the quote below Zen Buddhist Ruben L.F. Habito says that when we meditate (or are being mindful), that expansive feeling of calm, oneness and peace that we experience is us reuniting with the Divine, God, higher self. Could it be that being in this state as much as we can and acting from this place as often as possible is the biggest life achievement, even life purpose? I need to add this to my Life Purpose mind map.

We are invited to sit in silence, and to immerse ourselves in the vast and boundless ocean of “to be,” and to know that with this, there is nothing else we could ever want, there is nothing else we could ever need in life. We can just continue our lives keeping ourselves dipped in that ocean and immersed in the living waters that flow from there. Whatever we would need in life would come from that abundant source, in whatever situation we may encounter from here on.

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Rumination, or obsessive thinking, and what to do when it becomes too much

Many of us believe that we are our thoughts, or rather many of us don’t stop to think whether what our minds are telling us in the form of thoughts is true or not, because the belief that thoughts are us is so ingrained in us. And so many of us ruminate, get stuck in the cycle of repetitive thoughts, usually negative, going on a mental merry-go-round, repeating the same thoughts and feeling the same (negative) feelings, like a broken record. 

By letting the problem replay over and over in your mind, you are engaging in a process which is called “rumination.” Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one’s negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Rumination: Problem Solving Gone Wrong | Psychology › overcoming-self-sabotage

What is worse is that neuroscience tells us that the more we do it, the more we reinforce related neural pathways, or in other words the deeper the groove of our mental record, the worse off mentally we are and ruminating (and descending into resulting emotional darkness) becomes something we engage in regularly and automatically. It can even evolve into a mental health illness: 

Rumination is sometimes referred to as a “silent” mental health problem because its impact is often underestimated. But it plays a big part in anything from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) to eating disorders. Rumination: The danger of dwelling – BBC News – › news › magazine-24444431

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Watching the watcher meditation

This is pretty advanced and only best to try if you have an established meditation practice, are familiar with ego death or have experienced it before. If you are stuck in the emptiness practice, this is also a good next step.

It is what it says on the tin. As we meditate, we learn to watch the river of thoughts. In the “watch the watcher” practice we take it up a notch and attempt to see who is watching. It is explained very well below:

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My Quarantine Diary #coronavirus

I am reposting this post – I decided to stop at 60 entries starting from day 0. I lost track of the days a couple of times 🙂  

We’ve now been in the lockdown for more than 12 weeks since March 23. I wanted to document my days and what I was doing, so that when it is over, I can reflect on what I learnt.

The lockdown is continuing and there may be a second wave, however it feels like the worst is over. I am lucky of course, safe at home and financially ok. My thoughts go to everyone affected, health wise or economically.

* * *

I’ve been writing a quarantine diary to stay sane 🙂  limited to 5 or 7 lines a day.

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On stillness, slow life and non doing

For the last year I’ve been practicing non doing and living a simple, slow life. A spiritual quarantine of sorts. Monk life. One of my friends has sent me the following meme, which she said reminded her of me. It made me laugh. Translation is below. It is a good reminder that we can always further our stillness and non doing practice. Why? Only in stillness we can hear our soul and see the next steps of our path…

– What are you up to?
– Watching the trees grow.
– Rushing still…
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