My book on love addiction is now out on Amazon!

It’s a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a blog, must be in want of publishing a book 🙂 I went the self publishing route and did it. My mini guide to healing love addiction is now available on Amazon.

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Awake. The Life of Yogananda

I heard about Yogananda and his book “Autobiography of a Yogi” before. But it is only this year that someone shared this documentary with me and I finally got to learn more. I had goosebumps several times watching it. This quote really stayed with me. Life is but light and shadows. We are but light and shadows. On our paths to get to the source… 

This earth is nothing but movies to me. Just like a beam of a motion picture. Everything is made of shadows & light. That’s what we are. Light and shadows of the Lord… There is one purpose. To get to the beam.  

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Could you be going through the Dark Night of the Soul? Happy “positive disintegration”…

Alternative, beautiful translation of the poem by Saint John of the Cross here.

If you are going through the period of existential emptiness and spiritual depression, likely after a profound mystical experience, you may find this post by Loner Wolf helpful: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul. Make sure you don’t miss the White Wolf meditation! I have a feeling that Continue reading

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“Losing is satori. Winning is illusion.” — Kodo Sawaki Roshi

Western values based culture teaches us that winning, climbing the ladder, reaching the peak is the ultimate goal. “The winner takes it all”. Losers are pitied and no one wants to be one. At the same time those who actually reach the proverbial peak know that winning is not the answer. The ladder never ends and it does not lead to freedom.

What a perspective shifter then when a realised being, a Zen monk known as “Homeless Kodo” tells us otherwise – actually, losing is satori, enlightenment. Winning, victory is just an illusion. Meditate on that! 🙂  These days I prefer to hang out with homeless monks and other realised beings rather than neurotic type A achievers. It took years to get my priorities straight…

Below is excerpt #21, I suggest you read all of them. You can find them here:  Continue reading

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White privilege has a double standard. Amazon and Prime Video, stop release of the racist “Borat 2” film #cancelborat

As you may know, I am British but also Kazakh. This week with the news of “Borat 2” forthcoming release saturating my newsfeed, I was vividly reminded of mental torment I, my family and my Kazakh friends were put through with the release of the first “Borat”. The racist jokes, the daily abuse we were getting from white friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Always with a chuckle, as in we should find it funny that our ancestral traditions and rich culture get appropriated and dragged through mud.

This time I decided enough is enough. Kazakhs are very soft charactered people by nature and never rebel but it is time to take a stand. If Sacha Baron Cohen, a white wealthy celebrity, created a, say, blackface character, he would have already been outcast and condemned. Yet somehow using a Kazakh, an Asian person, for crude cheap racist laughs, berating my nation, belittling our Central Asian race and racially abusing us so publicly and for significant money is ok. There is truly a double white privilege standard. This is a perfect example of how ingrained racism is.

I never post anything political here but I am strongly called to raise awareness of “Borat 2” being a highly racist film. And I hope that this message reaches Amazon so they can stop the release. Please help me. Read and sign this petition that I created, take further action as outlined in the petition and help the humankind take one further step towards racial justice.

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Face everything and rise #fear


Source: here.

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Be serene in the oneness of things

I heard many times about the Third Chinese Patriarch and his (although it is being debated whether he is the author) poem that sums up the teachings of Buddhism. I finally decided to investigate who he was and what this poem was all about.

Turns out his name was Seng T’san or Sengcan. And the poem in all its beauty is below as translated by Richard B. Clarke. It packs a lot in. I plan to return to it again and again and meditate on each bit. “Be serene in the oneness of things”, “the unity of emptiness” and “not two” are particularly blowing my mind at the moment, as well as the paragraph about emptiness. Source: here.

Hsin Hsin Ming
verses on the faith mind / inscribed on the believing mind 

The Great Way is not difficult 

for those who have no preferences.

When love and hate are both absent

everything becomes clear and undisguised. 

Make the smallest distinction, however,

and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. 

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A galaxy of smiling hippos dances around me :) Sacred poetry workshop with Highest Good Wellbeing

This week I have been to a sacred poetry workshop by Sarit Gafan of @highestgoodwellbeing. Sarit is an intuitive well-being practitioner and a beautiful soul. She took us on a journey inside ourselves. We did some soul-digging to uncover our values – the gems, the words that are important to us.

We learned fun ways to play with the words. For example, for me, the word “gate” has two meanings – a gate, a door and a word from a sanskrit mantra “gate gate paragate parasamgate bodi svaha” (“Gone, gone beyond, gone beyond the Beyond, hail the goer!”).  We loosened up, “lost our mind” to become more playful, less bound by the rules. It was lots of fun! My resulting poem that sums up the essence of who I am and which I can go back to when I feel lost or stuck is below.

I am ordered beauty.

Smiling serene emptiness.

A disruptor, a creator,

A loser, a finder.

I make peace and mischief.

I am a naughty cosmic giggle.

A gate to grace of God.

A star wolf.

A white light.

Not two.


Ram Ram.

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How to trust the Universe by Alan Watts

“The way to become one with the Universe is to trust it.”

One day I had an urge to search for “how to trust the Universe” and this video came up. In it, among other things, Watts talks about achieving the state of desirelessness when one wants nothing. Watts says that the next stage is reflection, soul searching and trying out activities that one believes would bring them joy. This leads to the third stage – realisation that even what you thought your soul wanted is not that (neti, neti).

This is a bleak prognosis for the seekers (including me) who think they have achieved desirelessness and it will lead them to the next stage on their journey. We have worked to quieten our minds, to still ourselves, we practiced soul led decision making in the hope that the truth will reveal itself. Or at least we will see the next step on our path. Watts says there is no path and no next steps, just a loop of coming back to not that. He says it is impossible to know what one wants because it is impossible to know what one is. It is also possible that we already have what we seek, we just don’t realise it yet.

When one arrives at the state of desirelessness and non-doing, when one works to quieten their mind, “ceases to cling to themselves”, the extensive energy used for ego defences is released into the Universe. Instead of waiting to see what outcome this energy will lead to for ourselves, Alan Watts is suggesting to give up on the outcome and cease any seeking altogether because there is nothing to find (gasp). Instead he suggests that we live our lives the best we can and enjoy ourselves: “It is your sole duty to learn how to enjoy yourself.”

But what about the Truth! – screams the Seeker in me. Being the seeker is an ego play. You are nobody. And, says Watts, your ego is “seeking the truth” to be able to control the process, to figure out the uncertainty. Wanting to know is trying to control. Instead, surrender the seeking. Let go of knowing. Be the “I don’t know” sort of person.

Uncomfortable with not knowing? Me too. Well, it sounds like this is the recommended practice. Not knowing, yet trusting, and hence living happily in the unknown. Don’t seek anything. Have fun. Enjoy your life as much as possible. “It is only complicated if you start thinking about it.” Well. What do you think?

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When you find a star with a smiley face on a tomato…

The freer I get, the higher I go.

The higher I go, the more I see.

The more I see, the less I know.

The less I know, the more I am free.

Ram Dass
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“When you arrive at non-action, nothing will be left undone. Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course.”

It is the poem month here on Nomad of the Universe 😂  I have recently found this verse from Tao Te Ching and I froze. It is describing precisely where I am in my life now. “When you arrive at non-action, nothing will be left undone. Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course.” Wow. No comment, as they say… By the way, Stephen Reid has recently published all Tao Te Ching verses with his amazing photos if you want to check them out.  

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