Nomad of the Universe

I’ve been mini-retired for 6 months. Retirement is a great way to practice emptiness. Six months of non-doing and facing uncertainty is when I usually hit the psychological threshold and the monkey brain spirals into anxiety. You know the script – oblivion, irrelevance, destitution, tear-stained faces of hungry children, homelessness, failure. Urgh.

I need to find a job because selling my time/ energy is the way to pay bills that I know. I am still working on learning how to manifest abundance in other ways. However, looking for a job when you are empty inside is an interesting challenge. Good empty. Content. At peace. You sort of don’t want anything.

My mind tried to put on its usual “you are lacking ambition, what is wrong with you” record. But I don’t let it do things like that anymore. Instead it dawned on me – what if not wanting anything is not the sign of lack of ambition, depression or confusion, but rather an achievement? What if this means that one has achieved what Buddhists call the state of no desire, where whatever option materialises is equally attractive, possible and ok? What if not wanting anything is the next level in the emptiness practice?

It all depends on how you define success I guess. Money and title, possessions and achievements, doing and pushing, or peace and content. I dance my dance, take my curriculum, being in awe with whatever comes. Important threshold achieved, let’s see what next. Universe, I am open for business.