Last year I focused on self-love. I realised my love addiction stemmed from the lack of it and I wanted to embark on a self-love programme but discovered there was no ready made package. So I read about it and also found Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life by Lori Deschene. It is a collection of essays by bloggers and I must say initially I was sceptical about its contents. However it turned out to be an eye opener. Erin Lanahan’s Rejection Can Reveal How We Are Rejecting Ourselves (press Next twice) in particular struck the cord – Erin showed me why I continued to be stuck in the unhealthy pattern of love addiction:
When I experience the pain of rejection in the external world, it is only because there are still places within myself where I am rejecting myself. As long as I reject myself, I will regularly attract people and situations that reject me…
There are more gems in the book – Julie Hoyle shares a life changing perspective on dealing with negative people in How to Come Home to Yourself – when having an anger outburst triggered by someone have you ever paused and instead of reacting and blaming the subject of your anger, turn your gaze inside? If you did, you would have realised that the subject is just a mirror, reflection of issues bubbling inside of you. What an amazing, reframing, reprogramming technique!
My own quest, bloggers in Lori’s book and a request from a friend inspired me to put together a 7-day self-love mini programme. It is limited of course and only tackles key issues from my and my friend’s experience. And if there is something that you think I missed and you want me to cover or something that you are grappling with and want to get help with – let me know, in the comments or on Linkedin/ Twitter. I’d love to refine this first draft into a more universal, broader programme. Have a look and let me know what worked for you!
Day 1. On one page or less write a summary of what your issue/s are right now, what you are tackling, what you think your level of self-love is and how it is helping/ hindering your progress on your issue/s. Is there a connection at all?
Day 2. Read Being Honest with Ourselves and Removing Our Masks by Charlie Tranchemontagne. Now read the poem here. Reflect on what you read and what you discovered about yourself on one page or less.
Day 3. Read Joanna Weston’s Knowing How Far You’ve Come: 8 Tips to Celebrate Your Growth. Reflect on what you read and what you discovered on one page or less.
Day 4. Watch this talk by Lissa Rankin and read my summary of it here. Reflect on what beliefs guide your life. As an experiment, commit to and live in accordance with the DULL beliefs for a week. Reflect how the experiment went. How has your life changed?
Day 5. Start a self appreciation journal where you acknowledge daily the things you are most proud of about yourself – choices you’ve made, insights you’ve learned, things you like about yourself, times you’ve stayed true to yourself.
Day 6. Read about maximisers vs satisficers here and here. Which one are you? Which one do you want to be? How can you change your day 2 day approach to make yourself happier? Now read about Lissa Rankin’s Eggy vs Spermy approach here. What did you think and what did you learn?
Day 7. Read instructions here and write a self compassion letter. Practice this regularly, especially when you feel most conflicted.