It takes some training to equate complete letting go with comfort. But in fact, “nothing to hold on to” is the root of happiness. There’s a sense of freedom when we accept that we’re not in control…
This may lead to a don’t-know-what-to-do kind of feeling, a sense of being caught in-between. On the one hand, we’re completely fed up with seeking comfort from what we can eat, drink, smoke, or couple with. We’re also fed up with beliefs, ideas, and “isms” of all kinds. But on the other hand, we wish it were true that outer comfort could bring lasting happiness.
This in-between state is where the warrior spends a lot of time growing up…
We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren’t told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the our side but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth.
Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength…
For the warrior, “right” is as extreme a view as “wrong.” They both block our innate wisdom. When we stand at the crossroads, not knowing which way to go… it’s where our solid views begin to dissolve…
It’s important to hear about this in-between state. Otherwise we think the warrior’s journey is one way or the other; either we’re all caught up or we’re free. The fact is that we spend a long time in the middle. This juicy spot is a fruitful place to be. Resting here completely—steadfastly experiencing the clarity of the present moment—is called enlightenment.
I don’t know what it means That I, it exists before the thought, Before the breath, 3D spliced between zeptoseconds, Between pulsating fractal heartbeats. As someone who has felt spacetime (has been spacetime?), Time does not exist. Mushroom tears. Somehow I remember to breathe. And when I am back into I And here, I bring no answers, The usual. Love, beauty, joy, happiness - Amplify that. Dance the dance. Be anyone, or what you are. Obsess about anything, or anyone. It does not really matter. Don’t ask questions, The questions themselves have no meaning. The answer is before the question. All of your problems disappear With space, time into the zeptosecond Before the Universe takes its breath. On the edge of the precipice to nowhere Where the only reality - Complete absence of it. Sad, happy, it is what is. Go live this truth the best you can.
I am dealing with the opposite of empty. We have received a call and are hosting a Ukrainian refugee family. That required quite a bit of prep and paperwork. Suddenly there are 3 more folks living in our house… Unexpectedly, after 3 years of no travel, I am heading back to Kazakhstan where the whole family is reuniting for my grandma’s birthday. A 13 hour flight with a hyperactive 10 year old, what can go wrong… I’ve submitted notice at work, it’s been a long time coming… I’ve successfully completed a 30 day “no drama” challenge… I am heading to my first walking holiday second half of June…
I’ve crammed it all in, because I have “4 months left to live” on the “year to live” challenge. So I am living my life accordingly. It has been hectic and non-stop but also fun. I’ve watched and rewatched Heartstopper and ever since been feeling inspired to create by it. So here is another milestone – I promised before to pull all emptiness related posts from past year into one Emptiness Survival Kit and never got to doing it. Until now. Here it is – the Emptiness Survival Kit.
This is the culmination of everything I’ve learned in the last couple of years, summed in 42 essential quotes, tips and practises (plus bonus blog posts that I wrote since then) that helped me and hopefully will help you get through the emptiness practice. Not that it’s ever complete…
I am currently obsessed with Heartstopper, a Netflix show filmed in the UK with a terrific and diverse cast of talented British teenage actors. It is a beautiful love story, it is comforting, it is sleek, it is socially important and urgent.
This is the first time ever that I’ve rewatched a show immediately several times in a row. Me missing out on partying/ kissing teenage stage aside, Nick Nelson’s healthy masculinity is so refreshing. He is a popular boy who is yet secure in his attachment style, self-aware, not afraid to be vulnerable, has an open trusting relationship with his mother and he commits. Do men like this exist? He is after all written by a woman, a bit like Jane Austen’s impossible men characters.
There will be no thoughtful or meaningful post today as I watch and rewatch clips from the show 😊 Enjoy your weekend!
Ask friends and family too. You will learn something new. A friend said she’d get on the first flight to Hawaii. Another friend would finally try psychedelics. My son would fly to Japan. I’d hug everyone I love, eat something delicious, look at something beautiful, listen to beautiful music, read and meditate. Oh, I’d also take shrooms 😊
I cover this blog and how it came about, burnout, mental health, shamanism, therapy, mini retirement, unemployment, anxiety, peace, joy, suffering, self-discovery and Buddhism
When you find yourself in a predicament, see it from a different point of view. “Happiness is sorrow, sorrow is happiness. There is happiness in difficulty, difficulty in happiness”.
If it’s so bad it’s impossible, know it too shall pass, everything is impermanent. Change is your best hope.
Buddhism teaches to be present with what is, even if, especially if it’s suffering. Don’t try to escape it – face it, sit with it. This is your path. “When we are in difficulty or distress, there we have enlightenment”.
Being a perfectionist or having an ambition, a plan is a tough way to live. “We make plans, God laughs”. Letting go and hearing your way (dharma) is easier. Go for an easy option, align with your heart/ intuition.
When you find yourself in a happier place, appreciate how many people are suffering (all of us), remember to give back, help others (empathy). Enjoy every bit of it but don’t get attached to it.
Happiness is unattainable because change is the only constant. It helps guide the way. Ultimately go beyond happiness, go beyond joy, find meaning, true understanding. Who are you? What is all this? Why are you here?
Then peace, calmness become more important than happiness or joy. If you find true understanding and practice calmness in everyday life, you will see challenges and difficulties differently, as a “passing show”. This is resilience.
And if I were to summarise this into 3 tips:
1. The game is called Levels and Lenses. Shift perspectives until you find peace. Take a step back and see blue sky around the grey clouds (Ram Dass). Keep reframing, shifting perspectives until you find joy amidst suffering.
2. Practice complete surrender (radical acceptance). Give up everything. You are not in control and actually giving it up is very liberating. Trust the process = cultivate faith.
3. Self centeredness = suffering. Step outside of you, think of others, help others. Look up Buddha stone story (he only escaped suffering when he stopped focusing on his own and helped a suffering person next to him instead).
Cathy Lawson and Alison Burgess of I Have Got This invited me to take part in their Resilience Matters series. I talk about some of the challenges I had to overcome and how I did it, my corporate burnout and mini retirement, how I healed my #mentalhealth, dealt with anxiety and growth that it all led to. I talk about Buddhism and spirituality. Ignore the technical issues in the beginning, internet was not on my side that day!
What does loving awareness feel like? I had no idea before. It was just a concept. Like one of my spiritual friends says, all you need to do is meditate and answers will come (or rather questions will dissolve but he left this one out).
“When you arrive at non-action, nothing will be left undone. Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course.”
Tao Te Ching
Whatever the situation that vexes you the most right now, let go of the vision of how it ought to be. Surrender every shred of expectation. Do what needs doing but do not expect a reward or even outcome. Do not dread the pain and suffering. Offer it to the Universe/God and trust.
Nomad of the Universe 