The self-help advice I actually need

I am tired of the mainstream self help advice. I am tired of being told I need goals, better goals, different goals, more commitment, more discipline, more faith, more trust, better routine, better structure, new framework. I am told to keep it together, to lean in, to do, to become, to change. Action, action, action.

I’m here to tell you it’s okay to stop and get stuck. To fall apart. To descend into darkness. To feel no ambition, to feel lost, numb or empty, to not want to take another breath. It is okay, necessary even, to give up all goals, to cancel all plans, to forego routine and just do nothing. To come to a halt. To stop. To be, or rather cease to be. Dissolve into nothing. Merge with the void. Dive as deep as you can. Hit the rock bottom. Lose all faith. All hope. Disintegrate completely.

You don’t need a plan, you don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. I give you permission to let it all go. Give up everything. Feel all of your pain. Face all of your suffering. Do not waste time on keeping it together. Do not try to stop it, to escape. Let it consume you.

Don’t think, don’t do, don’t move. Be still and silent. Emptiness. Grief. Loss. Suffering. Confusion. Anger. Righteousness. Self-pity. Sit with all of it. In all of it.

Here is the thing. You will get bored and/ or you will give up. Just like it is hard to completely stop breathing through sheer will, it is impossible to completely contract. Expansion will come sure enough. Actions, goals, projects will reappear and you will be back in the rat race, inevitably.

Until then don’t sweat it. Take it easy. Relax into confusion, into uncertainty. Now this is the sort of self-help advice I actually need.

About lolkin

Nomad of the Universe, nobody special, student of Ram Dass. I write about happiness, meaning and spirituality. Buddhist, mystic, bhakti. My book on Love Addiction is out on Amazon now.
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