Fear and love addiction: do you love not to fear? #happiness

I continue to quote Lissa Rankin’s The Fear Cure, the book that taught me a lot about fear. I’ll start with this one:

Studies show that most emotions last no longer than 90 seconds unless we attach stories to them.

This applies to any emotion, not just love. If you are angry with someone and you let the anger pass, it’s gone. However if you cling to it and tell yourself, in your mind, a story about how this person is so and so, and this is ruining your life, etc – as soon as you create the thought trail, activate the thinking treadmill, you have assigned a story to your anger, and now it’s a living part of you. Some people can not let go their emotions (usually negative, as they are easier to stick by) for a lifetime.

In application to love, you can fall in love with a complete stranger by… you got it! thinking about them. Again, a storymaking machine that is your mind whirrs into action and poof! you are gone into the land of fairies and butterflies. You are not here, you are not present, you are living out a fantasy in your mind. Continue reading

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Ego vs Self

Here’s what the Ego believes:

1) Death is real. The Ego believes that our existence is defined by our physical flesh. When the body dies, we die. There is no life beyond life.

2) Time and space are real. The Ego is analog. It believes that to get from A to Z we have to pass through B, C, and D. To get from breakfast to supper we have to live the whole day.

3) Every individual is different and separate from every other. The Ego believes that I am distinct from you. The twain cannot meet. I can hurt you and it won’t hurt me.

4) The predominant impulse of life is self-preservation. Because our existence is physical and thus vulnerable to innumerable evils, we live and act out of fear in all we do. It is wise, the Ego believes, to have children to carry on our line when we die, to achieve great things that will live after us, and to buckle our seat belts.

5) There is no God. No sphere exists except the physical and no rules apply except those of the material world. These are the principles the Ego lives by. They are sound solid principles.

Here’s what the Self believes:

1) Death is an illusion. The soul endures and evolves through infinite manifestations.

2) Time and space are illusions. Time and space operate only in the physical sphere, and even here, don’t apply to dreams, visions, transports. In other dimensions we move “swift as thought” and inhabit multiple planes simultaneously.

3) All beings are one. If I hurt you, I hurt myself.

4) The supreme emotion is love. Union and mutual assistance are the imperatives of life. We are all in this together.

5) God is all there is. Everything that is, is God in one form or another. God, the divine ground, is that in which we live and move and have our being. Infinite planes of reality exist, all created by, sustained by and infused by the spirit of God.

From “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield

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Dissecting fear: part 1, based on Lissa Rankin’s The Fear Cure #happiness

I was going to do it a while ago. Below are the top quotes from Lissa Rankin’s The Fear Cure, amazing book on how to overcome fear, carefully selected by me and arranged in 3 clusters – Fear, Acceptance and Love. Today – Part 1, Fear.

FEAR AS A GUIDE, NOT SOMETHING TO RESIST 

Courage is not the opposite of fear. The opposite of fear is joy.

Courage is not about being fearless; it’s about letting fear transform you so you come into right relationship with uncertainty, make peace with impermanence, and wake up to who you really are.

In order to avoid change and its accompanying loss, we are willing to tolerate stagnation, to let our souls die slow deaths in order to avoid uncertainty and loss.

The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe. Living in a purposeful universe means that you have faith in a guiding force that is navigating life with you. You know that you are not alone, and this inner knowing offers protection against fear.

Fear is the gateway to freedom.

Continue reading

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How we will likely die #happiness

This is a blog about happiness, so why on Earth have I put ‘death’ and ‘happiness’ next to each other? For me, death and happiness are inextricably intertwined – we spoke before about how fear of death is a defining force in our lives. My approach – the more you face and accept death, the happier you are. You can’t be oblivious to it and yet be truly happy long term.

Below is not a case for euthanasia, although it could as well be. It’s an exercise in facing reality and realising that the likelihood of a ‘good’ death is slim and so we should prepare ourselves for a more likely scenario. May seem grim to some, useful eye opening stats if you ask me.

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What did you do to save the world today? #happiness

Timely reminder that it’s not all about take – we have to remember to give too. And it’s good to pause and think whether you are doing what you were born to do. Easier said…

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Hang in there

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Dalai Lama – happiness is measured by whether you have inner peace in your heart

This post on Facebook helped me finally nail how I define success and why I made career choices in my life that I made. It’s not about title or money, it’s about whether you made peace with yourself. Buddha had nothing materially but he also was the richest man spiritually. And this lightness that he achieved, this inner peace in his heart is what I consider a life worth living.

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Stay calm and continue to procrastinate :) #happiness

I am totally procrastinating with my blog. At least I am spending this time usefully (huh?), or so I think. I watched another great documentary and am self coaching using The School of Life cards.

The one I want to share today is from their CALM series. Indeed, no one is mean, everyone is just worried… Here is a beautiful documentary on Buddha that I watched recently to instantly bring you calm and peace.

Namaste, my dear nomads!

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Blogging 101 – going back to the roots, and what’s next

WordPress are doing this new programme Blogging 101. I’ve been blogging for a couple of years now but we always learn, so I am taking part.

The first assignment looks quite interesting – reflect on and revisit the mission of the blog and why you are doing this, specifically the following questions:

1. Why are you blogging publicly instead of keeping a diary?
2. What topics do you think you’ll write about?
3. Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
4. If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what do you hope to accomplish?

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When you aren’t sure what to do next

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Simple, yet powerful advice. More on Chris’s method here.

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How to be a hero this Christmas #happiness

I have graduated from the UC Berkeley’s ‘The Science of Happiness’ online course (yay! a year’s work!), yours truly is now a certified expert on happiness 🙂  however I continue revisiting some of the amazing research they are using throughout the course.

An interesting angle on happiness, as part of a wider compassion and kindness view, is heroism. Below Philip Zimbardo discusses his work on heroism – identifies the main questions of his research, explains how heroism is different from altruism or compassion, and considers what we might learn from some inspiring heroes of the past.

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Gratitude makes our lives richer

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Pronoia – a belief that everything in the Universe is conspiring to support you – via @Lissarankin #happiness

Lissa Rankin has been setting my mind on fire recently. She is my mentor, my spiritual coach. Her book The Fear Cure, her blog posts and now this talk at the World Domination Summit that I want to share with you have been taking me in a totally new direction of growth. It’s one of those rare talks which gives you the goosebumps. Do check it out.

Her talk is about 2 things – overcoming our default fear settings and being happy, and finding our true calling, purpose in life. Both themes are very important and urgent for me. Let me talk about overcoming fear first.

In her talk (and in her book The Fear Cure) Lissa says that 4 basic fears, deep rooted beliefs plague most of us. I have memory of a fish so I abbreviated them into DULL to remember easily:

D – universe is dangerous
U – uncertainty is unsafe
L – we are all alone, loneliness
L – loss is an inevitable part of our lives

Most of our fears and anxieties come from, and most life decisions are made based on! these 4 default fears and we may not even be aware of having them and the role they are playing. To overcome these fears, Lissa proposes to reframe and replace them with positive beliefs:

P – universe is purposeful
P – uncertainty is possibility
O – we are all One
G – loss is natural and can lead to growth

Lissa’s original slide is below, I re-arranged these to match the DULL abbreviation, but the order does not really matter.

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Changing your default beliefs and fears is not a one off process of course, and some will need to start by becoming aware of having these in the first place. It’s a mentality shift, you need to meditate on this, to reprogram your thinking and your real-time responses to be based on these next time you catch yourself feeling fear.

To help you on this journey, I really like Lissa’s idea of pronoia (as opposed to paranoia) – a belief that everything in the Universe is conspiring to support you. Next time you feel alone, scared, unsafe, stuck or are going through loss – try and think about this, about fears based on DULL beliefs and whether you could use one of the four courage cultivating truths to change your perspective.

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Where do I belong?

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The team I am in at the moment is not the friendliest bunch, at least to newcomers. Everyone is polite of course but there is not much caring or bonding going on. Everyone to their own.

We went to get lunch, I fell behind and as I was trying to catch up, somewhere in the middle of the industrial estate in the northern town, walking behind and watching their backs, I felt more than ever that I did not belong with these people. I did not want to belong with people who did not care.

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One Day in Banksy’s Dismaland

This gallery contains 20 photos.

https://vimeo.com/143898227 To complete the last instalment of our extensive coverage on Banksy’s Dismaland, here is a thirty minutes documentary we had the pleasure to host, a Red Tower Films Production in cooperation with ARTE Creative TV. Big thanks to Banksy and…

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