Pronoia – a belief that everything in the Universe is conspiring to support you – via @Lissarankin #happiness

Lissa Rankin has been setting my mind on fire recently. She is my mentor, my spiritual coach. Her book The Fear Cure, her blog posts and now this talk at the World Domination Summit that I want to share with you have been taking me in a totally new direction of growth. It’s one of those rare talks which gives you the goosebumps. Do check it out.

Her talk is about 2 things – overcoming our default fear settings and being happy, and finding our true calling, purpose in life. Both themes are very important and urgent for me. Let me talk about overcoming fear first.

In her talk (and in her book The Fear Cure) Lissa says that 4 basic fears, deep rooted beliefs plague most of us. I have memory of a fish so I abbreviated them into DULL to remember easily:

D – universe is dangerous
U – uncertainty is unsafe
L – we are all alone, loneliness
L – loss is an inevitable part of our lives

Most of our fears and anxieties come from, and most life decisions are made based on! these 4 default fears and we may not even be aware of having them and the role they are playing. To overcome these fears, Lissa proposes to reframe and replace them with positive beliefs:

P – universe is purposeful
P – uncertainty is possibility
O – we are all One
G – loss is natural and can lead to growth

Lissa’s original slide is below, I re-arranged these to match the DULL abbreviation, but the order does not really matter.

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Changing your default beliefs and fears is not a one off process of course, and some will need to start by becoming aware of having these in the first place. It’s a mentality shift, you need to meditate on this, to reprogram your thinking and your real-time responses to be based on these next time you catch yourself feeling fear.

To help you on this journey, I really like Lissa’s idea of pronoia (as opposed to paranoia) – a belief that everything in the Universe is conspiring to support you. Next time you feel alone, scared, unsafe, stuck or are going through loss – try and think about this, about fears based on DULL beliefs and whether you could use one of the four courage cultivating truths to change your perspective.

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Where do I belong?

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The team I am in at the moment is not the friendliest bunch, at least to newcomers. Everyone is polite of course but there is not much caring or bonding going on. Everyone to their own.

We went to get lunch, I fell behind and as I was trying to catch up, somewhere in the middle of the industrial estate in the northern town, walking behind and watching their backs, I felt more than ever that I did not belong with these people. I did not want to belong with people who did not care.

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One Day in Banksy’s Dismaland

This gallery contains 20 photos.

https://vimeo.com/143898227 To complete the last instalment of our extensive coverage on Banksy’s Dismaland, here is a thirty minutes documentary we had the pleasure to host, a Red Tower Films Production in cooperation with ARTE Creative TV. Big thanks to Banksy and…

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Megan Feldman on forgiveness in an unforgiving world #TEDtalks #happiness

Another fascinating talk from the Science of Happiness programme on edX.

Megan Feldman looks at the act of not forgiving, of holding to one’s grudges as an act of committing violence, to oneself or the world. What impact does non forgiveness have? Our health, our relationship, peace around us and on this planet. Wars are still there because we do not forgive enough.

So how about becoming compassionate instead. How about taking small steps to forgiveness by becoming aware of those moments when we decide to not let go, to resist, and instead change perspective, expand our outlook and to surrender to what is. Easier said than done, and almost unimaginable in a situation like one Megan described, I understand.

Ultimately it’s our choice. Do we forgive or do we carry on harming ourselves and everyone around us by not letting go? Megan calls on us to forgive, for our sake and the world’s.

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Fred Luskin on forgiveness – wanting ‘yes’ and getting ‘no’ #happiness

I’ve stepped up my efforts in completing the Science of Happiness course on edX. I am glad that the course is getting more interesting as it progresses and that it manages to provide both new insights into happiness and a solid academic background on the subject. As a full time working parent, I struggled to find time to study (despite getting up at 5am), I finally managed to do it – edX have a mobile app, so I listen to videos during commute and with a bit of preparation and discovery of the Speech option on my iPhone, I email myself and have papers read by an electronic Apple robot voice while I walk. It works!

This week I discovered 2 very powerful videos, as part of the course. They are both on forgiveness and however cliche this subject may have become these days, forgiveness is still a powerful happiness tool. People who don’t forgive live in constant stress, agony even, inflicting damage on their health, putting blinders on their eyes and missing out on life. By not forgiving, we hurt ourselves first and foremost.

After a hard work week, why not start the weekend by letting go and forgiving others and/or ourselves as much as we can. In his eye opening talk, Fred Luskin defines forgiveness as the ability to make peace with ‘no’. This ties in nicely with the ‘love crush’ theme we’ve been exploring on this blog. Ready to forgive? Here you go.

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Emilie Wapnick: why some of us don’t have one true calling #happiness

I’ve just discovered that my search for one passion, one big goal, one purpose my whole life was futile and unnecessary. I am not lost, I am just different. Suddenly all limits are removed and everything is possible. This is a life changing talk.

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To overcome love obsession (addiction), start with your fears #happiness

I have made a big breakthrough in the study of my love addiction. This was a result of extensive and painful self analysis that took me years. If it’s your first time on my blog, do not be alarmed, I do not have psychopathic tendencies, I am just a person prone to falling in unrequited love the reasons for which puzzled me greatly for at least a decade. You can find my previous reflections on the subject here. I think I finally got somewhere in terms of an answer and a cure.

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What is making you happy?

There are lots of things that make me happy at the moment.

Fall. I used to take it rather unwell – fall used to signify the end of summer, chills to the bone, greyness and death. These days ‘September is a new January’. Fall breathes of new beginnings and I intend to focus on its beauty by heading to the nature and observing the change in seasons. A glass of 12-year Jimenez oloroso sherry in hand – my idea of welcoming fall 🙂

Letting go – I finally burned bridges with the people who are still dear to me but whose connection I had to let go of to move on.  Continue reading

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Coolest, awesomest thing I’ve watched this month #happiness

Justin Bieber’s song (do not judge me), the cool 2-wheel thingys, fantastic choreography and some cool dancers – a video worth mentioning on this blog. Makes me happy looking at the result!

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Biggest happiness lifehack – cure your fears

I am reading this awesome book, Fear Cure by Lissa Rankin. If you want to work on overcoming your fears, it’s a perfect guide on how to do it. Can’t believe I’ve been reading her posts on Positively Positive and never checked out her book!

This quote in particular stood out:

In order to avoid change and its accompanying loss, we are willing to tolerate stagnation, to let our souls die slow deaths in order to avoid uncertainty and loss. Anything that requires risk becomes unacceptable.

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Surrender… to progress

I surrender. I am not moving from where I live (blossom where planted, right). I am not going to find yet another job that will no doubt be so much better, and will rather make the one I already have work. I am no better than any person and I am starting to reluctantly accept that my purpose in life is perhaps to just grow spiritually, be a good person, be kind, strive for enlightenment, bring up a good man. I am not good at saving money. I may never be rich. I may never do anything extraordinary.

That’s ok. As illogical as it sounds, trying to achieve all of these things made me stall, there was no progress. Having finally acknowledged that this approach of striving for more (but doing nothing, out of fear) does not work is progress already.

Most importantly i surrender to my feelings and to my mistakes – reframe, reframe – brave but naive acts. That’s me and so what. I loved and I lived. I have no guilt, no regret, no shame. I am at peace. Whatever comes my way, be it. Oblivion is as good as burning embarrassment of another encounter.

I forgive myself for everything. I start anew. Everything is possible.

This is actually very liberating.

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Love and marriage – best posts and talks which will radically change your perspective

You might have noticed that most of my recent posts were on the subject of relationships and love. It’s not random, I blog about things that interest me or that I am working on. In 2 weeks time, the Happiness Science course that I am taking restarts, and my blog posts will probably take on a more academic/ philosophical angle. I might also blog more about parenting and happiness, and overcoming fear. All very interesting subjects that are on my radar currently.

Below is the selection of top posts and talks that I’ve seen in the last couple of years on love and marriage. I promise, at least one of them will radically change your perspective. Have a nice weekend, long one if in the UK!  Continue reading

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25 Good Relationship Guides Summed Up In One Infographic

Source

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What can we do to be happier?

Here

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Taking random acts of kindness to the next level, and with a wedding

This story is amazing, how-have-I-not-thought-of-this great and truly inspirational. I feel definitely inspired to do something similar for my 10th wedding anniversary this year. Perhaps, 10 random acts of kindness in one day?

Newlyweds Skip Traditional Banquet to Feed Thousands of Refugees

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