Changes are afoot.
I discovered that all my goals were an illusion.
They self destructed as soon as I “reached” them
(As much as one can reach a mirage in the middle of nothingness).
Career success, being a good girl, looking for love,
Then happiness, impact, awakening.
And now I arrived to nowhere
As a no one. This is it. The liberation.
Nothing to do, nobody home. Ha!
Turns out the last remaining question –
Why am I here? What’s my purpose?
Has no meaning.
Purpose is what’s in front of you right now.
What you have to do now.
There is no purpose beyond that
In the future or anywhere else.
You have arrived.
Stop overthinking. Do the best you can.
Forget about the outcome or what you want
And stay as empty as you can.
Happy enlightenment/ liberation!
Nazaré has been on my radar a lot lately. It is a fishing village in Portugal with the world’s highest waves where surfing world records get made and beaten. As someone who is not a great swimmer, is afraid of water and has a recurring nightmare about floods, when I noticed this documentary about a Portuguese female athlete surfing big waves in Nazaré (only 3 women having done so ever), I had to see it.
Continue reading
In 2020 (it was a strange year), I did a digital at-home shamanic (!!!) retreat with Blue Morpho and Hamilton Souther (see more here). I wrote a draft about my experience afterwards but for some reason did not publish it. Here it is.
Continue readingA 30 minute meditation which will powerfully shift your perspective, emotional and energy state.
Ram Dass, aka Richard Alpert, was not just a Buddhist, a Hindu and a mystic, he was also a child psychologist. I love his perspective on the question that has forever bugged me – why do almost all of us lack self-love and why does it start so early in our lives? Ram Dass explains in this video and shares a reframing technique on how “to love oneself more.”
Are you stuck,
Or are you incubating?
Are you empty,
Or are you liberated?
Are you lost,
Or are you reassessing?
Are you drifting,
Or busy manifesting?
Are you lacking,
Or great at letting go?
Are you slacking,
Or finally at peace?
Are you lazy,
Or are you non conforming?
Are you slow,
Or moving at your pace?
Are you crazy,
Or is your path unfolding?
Are you suffering,
Or is it grace?
Healing is your hustle,
Liberation is your goal.
Spiritual growth – ambition,
It’s ok to be going slow.
My former employer, a large charity supporting those struggling with addiction, mental health issues et al, released a book of poetry written by their service users and staff.
Some poems did not make a cut and they needed more, I submitted my poems and they were included. Two of these were written when I struggled with mental health and two as I healed myself with plant medicines. I’ll link them here.
Next time you are in Waterstones, grab a copy. All proceeds go to a good cause – helping those struggling with addiction and mental health. Light and love.
Remember A Year To Live challenge? Last Friday was the last day of my experiment. I “died.” It is time to draw the results.
Overall, it was a very illuminating challenge and I highly recommend it. Most of the things I learned were the things I already knew but I put them to practice more. Live here and now. Don’t leave anything important to tomorrow if you can do it now. Money is an excuse, you can find money, don’t let money stop you. You don’t have enough time on negative or ignorant people, you won’t save or fix them, leave them alone. Meditate daily. Eat what you want (but take care of your body) and feed others.
My goals were simple and I achieved most of them, or rather Universe made them happen. I must put X’s next to the Spain and train ones as well as a friend invited me to travel there in the new year out of the blue. I thought I would not be able to afford it without a job but what do you know “the last year to live” mentality and Universe hustled up funds and I am going.
I was patient, I was brave, I didn’t take no for an answer. And the most important objective of my experiment – this year I really felt alive. I hope to be able to continue to live with this newly found attitude.
You don’t need to take shrooms or travel to Spain to live fully. There are plenty of small and/or free things you can do right now to enrich your life. It is more of a mindset shift. Once you stop delaying living, everything starts falling in place aka “manifesting”. Open your mind to what’s unfolding, keep multiple perspectives going and accept whatever you receive with gratitude, as what you want may not manifest how you expected.
As you watch, you learn that the observer is merely a bundle of ideas and memories without any validity or substance, but that fear is an actuality and that you are trying to understand a fact with an abstraction which, of course, you cannot do. But, in fact, is the observer who says, ‘I am afraid’, any different from the thing observed which is fear? The observer is fear and when that is realised there is no longer any dissipation of energy in the effort to get rid of fear, and the time-space interval between the observer and the observed disappears. When you see that you are a part of fear, not separate from it – that you are fear – then you cannot do anything about it; then fear comes totally to an end.
Freedom from the known, J. Krishnamurti
PS: you can replace “fear” with “anger”, or any other affliction (klesha) you are struggling with, in the quote above.
The boat is empty.
The anger is empty. (1)
You just forgot. Again.
Remember – your karma led you here.
How can you be angry with something
That is a creation of your mind?
If you act now with anger,
You will betray your peace,
And veil your place of bliss,
And for what? To make a point?
“Do you want to be right
Or do you want to be free?” (2)
So stop.
Notice anger rising.
Heart beating, pressure building, blood boiling.
Welcome it, love it but don’t become it.
Watch the story.
The anger is rooted in trauma.
It is not yours.
Observe, explore, let go.
Remove yourself. Remove whatever is vexing you.
Take a step back. Take a break. Breathe.
Change context, perspective, lens.
Ignore. Love, if you are next level.
Or transmute – write about it, do tonglen. (3)
Breathe in all the crap,
Breathe out love.
Repeat until you remember.
Light. Love. Peace. Bliss.
“Every anger moment is an opportunity for enlightenment.” (4)
1 Ram Dass, a fisherman and a boat story
2 Ram Dass
3 As in tonglen meditation
4 Pema Chödrön
Thanks to this video, I’ve had a breakthrough – I realised my father is the source of my explosive rage. The thing is his rage likely is not even conscious, and was passed down by previous generations of my ancestors. I get it, historically they had a lot to be angry with. So I can’t really blame him or anyone for being exposed to anger and violence as a child. But what I can do is end this – the blind rage, the flying off the handles, the harm and the damage, all this crap stops with me. I am beyond grateful that I have this chance and space and ability to heal this for myself and all of my ancestors. Ram Ram.
Nomad of the Universe 