Learning to love my anger/ rage as a practice


Burning Desire, Mariko Mori 

Anger appears as a faint buzz in the back of my brain, a mild irritation, a barely noticeable ticking noise growing louder. A high pitched detonator inside my brain. Me, me, me. Hate, hate, hate. Instead of becoming aware and calming down, the charge goes off, I lose it and fly off the handle into blind rage. 

It comes on unexpectedly, sneaks up on me like a ninja and before I know it I am in the midst of it, burning, blinded by the heat, a destructive tornado of fire. I am pushing it and pushing it and I just can not stop. I catch myself within 10 minutes or so but for me, this is too long to be unaware.

Oh God, I hate it. So many years of practice, reading, journaling, reflecting, meditating, chanting, shadow work, plant medicines even, and I am still the same angry person who flies into fits of rage just like her father used to. I am an angry Buddhist. A phony holy. A fake. Continue reading

Posted in buddhism, self | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

On being and purpose

In the quote below Zen Buddhist Ruben L.F. Habito says that when we meditate (or are being mindful), that expansive feeling of calm, oneness and peace that we experience is us reuniting with the Divine, God, higher self. Could it be that being in this state as much as we can and acting from this place as often as possible is the biggest life achievement, even life purpose? I need to add this to my Life Purpose mind map.

We are invited to sit in silence, and to immerse ourselves in the vast and boundless ocean of “to be,” and to know that with this, there is nothing else we could ever want, there is nothing else we could ever need in life. We can just continue our lives keeping ourselves dipped in that ocean and immersed in the living waters that flow from there. Whatever we would need in life would come from that abundant source, in whatever situation we may encounter from here on.

Posted in buddhism, purpose, quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Rumination, or obsessive thinking, and what to do when it becomes too much

Many of us believe that we are our thoughts, or rather many of us don’t stop to think whether what our minds are telling us in the form of thoughts is true or not, because the belief that thoughts are us is so ingrained in us. And so many of us ruminate, get stuck in the cycle of repetitive thoughts, usually negative, going on a mental merry-go-round, repeating the same thoughts and feeling the same (negative) feelings, like a broken record. 

By letting the problem replay over and over in your mind, you are engaging in a process which is called “rumination.” Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one’s negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Rumination: Problem Solving Gone Wrong | Psychology Todaywww.psychologytoday.com › overcoming-self-sabotage

What is worse is that neuroscience tells us that the more we do it, the more we reinforce related neural pathways, or in other words the deeper the groove of our mental record, the worse off mentally we are and ruminating (and descending into resulting emotional darkness) becomes something we engage in regularly and automatically. It can even evolve into a mental health illness: 

Rumination is sometimes referred to as a “silent” mental health problem because its impact is often underestimated. But it plays a big part in anything from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) to eating disorders. Rumination: The danger of dwelling – BBC News – BBC.comwww.bbc.com › news › magazine-24444431

Continue reading

Posted in self | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Watching the watcher meditation

This is pretty advanced and only best to try if you have an established meditation practice, are familiar with ego death or have experienced it before. If you are stuck in the emptiness practice, this is also a good next step.

It is what it says on the tin. As we meditate, we learn to watch the river of thoughts. In the “watch the watcher” practice we take it up a notch and attempt to see who is watching. It is explained very well below:

Source: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/5643-watching-vs-watching-the-watcher/
Continue reading
Posted in buddhism, emptiness, meditation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Quarantine Diary #coronavirus

I am reposting this post – I decided to stop at 60 entries starting from day 0. I lost track of the days a couple of times 🙂  

We’ve now been in the lockdown for more than 12 weeks since March 23. I wanted to document my days and what I was doing, so that when it is over, I can reflect on what I learnt.

The lockdown is continuing and there may be a second wave, however it feels like the worst is over. I am lucky of course, safe at home and financially ok. My thoughts go to everyone affected, health wise or economically.

* * *

I’ve been writing a quarantine diary to stay sane 🙂  limited to 5 or 7 lines a day.

Continue reading

Posted in art, self | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On stillness, slow life and non doing

For the last year I’ve been practicing non doing and living a simple, slow life. A spiritual quarantine of sorts. Monk life. One of my friends has sent me the following meme, which she said reminded her of me. It made me laugh. Translation is below. It is a good reminder that we can always further our stillness and non doing practice. Why? Only in stillness we can hear our soul and see the next steps of our path…

– What are you up to?
– Watching the trees grow.
– Rushing still…
Posted in buddhism, quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dreamy aerial strap artists… Thank you, Cirque du Soleil 🤩

There is something about aerial strap (men) artists… Remember this post from before? Cirque du Soleil did a cool thing and posted several clip compilations of their shows on Youtube. Luzia, the show that I wanted to go see in London and never managed (regretfully), features an amazing aerial strap performance from Ben Courtenay. OMG. Remember to breathe 😊 His performance starts from 49:49.

Continue reading

Posted in art, video & film | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“My soul drifts light upon a sea of trees” — a film about a Zen priest helping depressed, suicidal people.

After losing two friends and an uncle to suicide, Zen priest Ittetsu Nemoto made it his life’s mission to support those struggling with depression and suicidal behavior. My Soul Drifts Light upon a Sea of Trees follows three of the hundreds of people Nemoto has counseled as their lives are transformed by his holistic, community-based approach to suicide prevention.

Continue reading

Posted in buddhism, death, video & film | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Some light in the dark – positive news amidst the pandemic #coronavirus

In the first couple of weeks of The Great Lockdown, I have spent too much time on the news feeds obsessively reading the news and feeding my fears of uncertainty and missing out. Once the panic subsided, I have cut the news intake to preserve my sanity. I now try to check the news no more than once a day and sometimes forget to do so. I started collecting positive news in the midst of the pandemic. Here are some that caught my attention. Add links in the comment if you have others to share. Stay safe and stay sane, fellow nomads! Continue reading

Posted in fun & joy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Have A Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics — May 11th on Netflix

Image | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment