What if not knowing what next is an achievement?

I’ve been mini-retired for 6 months. Retirement is a great way to practice emptiness. Six months of non-doing and facing uncertainty is when I usually hit the psychological threshold and the monkey brain spirals into anxiety. You know the script – oblivion, irrelevance, destitution, tear-stained faces of hungry children, homelessness, failure. Urgh.

I need to find a job because selling my time/ energy is the way to pay bills that I know. I am still working on learning how to manifest abundance in other ways. However, looking for a job when you are empty inside is an interesting challenge. Good empty. Content. At peace. You sort of don’t want anything.

My mind tried to put on its usual “you are lacking ambition, what is wrong with you” record. But I don’t let it do things like that anymore. Instead it dawned on me – what if not wanting anything is not the sign of lack of ambition, depression or confusion, but rather an achievement? What if this means that one has achieved what Buddhists call the state of no desire, where whatever option materialises is equally attractive, possible and ok? What if not wanting anything is the next level in the emptiness practice?

It all depends on how you define success I guess. Money and title, possessions and achievements, doing and pushing, or peace and content. I dance my dance, take my curriculum, being in awe with whatever comes. Important threshold achieved, let’s see what next. Universe, I am open for business.

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“Mere Gurudev” by Krishna Das – beautiful devotional kirtan

Through Ram Dass’s satsang (community) I’ve discovered this beautiful kirtan (devotional song) by Krishna Das. From what I understand, in bhakti yoga (devotional practice) one dedicates themselves to their guru and by practicing devotion finds unconditional love and wisdom. At the same time, guru = self = God. A guru is just a method, like meditation or psychedelics.

Translation of the lyrics below – I dare you not to cry while listening! My Guru, make me your instrument – show me how to serve you!

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Our deepest fear

This is the reason why we put off working on things that we know are important, why we procrastinate, why we settle. We are not afraid of failure, we are afraid of success, however crazy this sounds.

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⭐️ Free copy of the love addiction e-book for you, my readers 📚

Hey guys, I’ve recently written an e-book on love addiction summarising everything I’ve learned about meaning, self-love, self-help, emptiness, soul work, joy and plant medicines.

I would like to offer you, my amazing readers, a free copy of the book. There are no hooks but a request – if you are happy to do so, could you please leave a review on Amazon after reading? It does not need to be positive – I am after honest feedback. And it’s not an obligation either, only if you feel like it.

I can’t post a free copy here due to Amazon rules, if you are interested, please email me at lola.askarova@gmail.com and I will send you your electronic copy.

Thank you so much for your support!


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Boötes void, the emptiest place in the Universe

I’ve been reading my little one’s “How it works” magazine and have learned about the Boötes void, the emptiest place in the Universe. Isn’t it amazing how enormous and empty this place is? Apparently scientists estimate that up to 60% of the universe is comprised of voids. It is empty out there!

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Don’t set goals. Raise your vibration and seek joy instead.

This year something strange happened. I am usually a big fan of looking back, reflecting on successes and learnings and then planning for a year ahead. A very organised, Type A personality approach. This year I did not feel like it.

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Do you feel lonely tonight? #happiness #quora

I write about happiness and meaning here but also on Quora. I wanted to re-post my answer below (source).

When you feel the familiar chill breeze of the void opening within you, the deafening vibration of the growing vacuum, the infinite sinkhole of the Big Empty, don’t do what you usually do – reach for the phone, like a Pavlovian dog, and text him or her, right now, or stalk them on social media, or stare at their photo, or bite into a chocolate bar, or stuff yourself with food – whatever addict behaviour you do to scratch the itch. The void anesthetizes your mind so it will tell you very convincing stories to justify the urge. Don’t listen. Do the opposite. Stop. Turn around, slowly, and face it. Face the emptiness. The terrifying void. The nothingness that you keep running away from, that you have never faced before. Face it calmly, openly, lovingly. Breathe deeply and slowly. Let emptiness engulf you. Feel it, really feel it. Embrace it. Then – miracle. The urge subsides and fades. The warm glow fills you. The anxiety lifts. Your soul takes a deep breath. You did it. When you face emptiness, the strangest thing happens. You don’t become empty, you are not devoured and the billowing clouds of darkness do not consume you. Instead it’s as if you go through, you come out on the other side full and radiant. You – 1, emptiness – 0.

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