As you may know, I love film. One of my favourite directors is Werner Herzog. He happens to be one of the favourite directors of a good friend of mine, whose birthday it was recently. Inspired by his lovely partner, I wrote him a birthday wish as if it was written by Herzog. Here is the grumpiest birthday wish ever 🙂

Hello,

I have to say right away- I hate birthdays. Why be joyful at the fact that a person completed another year on the arduous journey to his or her life end? I don’t really know what to say on these occasions. If it was up to me, I’d deliver you a note in person. With a dwarf. Or with a crow. Dead crow. Or better still, with a live bear. Nothing like a bear as a bearer of birthday wishes. But I have to write and even worse, I have to type. Very impersonal and I just hate it. You will have to live with this, as will I.

I am told you are a fan, which indicates you have good taste in film. Well done. It also means you have crazy in you. Good. I like it. I start to like you!

I am almost 70, so 40 to me seems like paradise. Stop complaining if you are. Number is not important as long as you remain full of life. Everything is relative. Our lives are like a thin layer of ice upon a deep ocean of chaos and darkness. Life on our planet has been a constant series of cataclysmic events, and we are more suitable for extinction than a trilobite or a reptile. So we will vanish. There’s no doubt in my heart. One can not wait for the right time, for the universe – it is monstrously indifferent to the presence of man. Live, love, have fun, do something interesting, make your crazy projects reality. There is a German proverb: “Der Teufel scheisst immer auf den grössten Haufen” [“The Devil always shits on the biggest heap”]. So start heaping and have faith.

You can achieve anything. Yes, the pyramids have been built, but if you give me 300,000 disciplined men and give me 30 years, I could build a bigger one. There is so much to do in this world and anyone can do anything. I once ate a shoe to prove it. In ancient Greek the word “chaos” means “gaping void” or “yawning emptiness.” The most effective response to the chaos in our lives is the creation of new forms of literature, music, poetry, art and cinema. Martin Luther was asked, what would you do if tomorrow the world would come to an end, and he said, ‘I would plant an apple tree today.’ This is a real good answer. I would start shooting a movie. Do create something.

If life gives you lemons, punch it in the face. What the hell! Lemons! Honestly. And don’t forget that every man should pull a boat over a mountain once in his life. This is of course obvious.

PS: I also wanted to add this aspirational poem: My friend is a fish. He live in my room. His fin is a cloud. He see me when I sleep. I have no idea what this means, so please figure it out by yourself. Happy birthday!