First there was the money plant that my sister gave me. Right after that a sum of money equivalent to my ex monthly income manifested itself. It did not magically fall from the sky, it was a result of previous hard work, but nevertheless.
In this space that I am in, not having had a job for more than a year, a logical, mind thing to do would have been to squirrel this money away and buy myself another couple of months of mini-retirement/ soul-searching. This however just did not feel right this time.
Give it all away, kept saying Ram Dass. Give it all away and when you want to give less, give more instead, reassured Wayne Dyer. Money is energy, said one of my enlightened friends. Energy needs to be circulating, can’t keep it, can’t hold onto it. Dyer nodded. In this life you do not own anything. Pass it on. You are not crazy, says ever practical Mr Money Mustache, giving money away makes you happier. Inspirational folks like Allan Saldanha who give away more than half of their salary to charities seem to agree.
Feed people, said Maharaj-ji. And I’ve recently realised that he did not mean just food. Feed people with food, money, light, energy, kindness, whatever. Help out. Don’t expect anything in return. Give for the sake of it. Be someone else’s synchronicity.
Monkey mind jumps. What, give everything away? Negotiations start. Scenarios are run. Percentages are negotiated. My soul is calm like a lake on a summer morning. I will give away as much as it tells me. I meditate on it. Fine, give away one third, gotta start somewhere.
I am reminded that the Universe is abundant. I am excited at this new approach. I am surprised at how hard it is to give away money 🙂 I help two friends, one single mum starting a business and another struggling with health and piling up bills. Giving money to friends, not expecting payback, feels right and I feel blessed to be in a position to help.
I donate a large chunk to the UK Psychedelic Society who I know are struggling during the lockdown. I hope they come out of it stronger and continue to drive the adoption of plant medicines, for self-exploration and mental health. Another large chunk goes to three deworming charities via GiveWell as part of my effective altruism experiment. It gives me so much joy to know that somewhere out there will be a couple of kiddos who will be able to get better, stronger and get on with their lives.
Little one adopts a turtle via WWF. I support two good acquaintances starting mindfulness and well-being businesses. I have never met either of them in person, only online. But I can see they are doing good, raising the vibration of the world, they are the lightworkers. I consider it investment in Light… Upward and onward!
The rest is spent on household items that we were meant to invest in but did not because of me not working (hello, new ironing board and a blender that works!), and some treats for me and the family, like an updated PC for the little one, a bike for my suddenly health-conscious hubby, his new treatment that we are doing privately, a minimal wardrobe update, and this being September, birthday presents for a growing number of Virgos in our family 🙂
Monkey brain does not give up easily. I am haunted by thoughts of being taken for a ride, of being used, of being too generous (!!). How can I be conned if I don’t expect anything back? 🙂 The mind stalls. If I am being taken for a ride, it is not my karma… I look at the picture of smiling Ram Dass, chant, meditate, listen to my soul and the message is the same – Trust. Give. Feed. Serve. Love. Remember.
The money’s gone and I feel relieved. I feel more joy. I feel expanded. I feel like I’ve found a new Rubik cube combination, a new perspective on the world. Click, click, click – planes of reality have reconfigured, it is all about changing lenses, isn’t it 😉 Have I managed to be someone’s synchronicity? Have I served the Divine? Have I amplified the Light? I hope so.
You are a better and certainly braver person than I. My childhood was filled with such apparent insecurity that my mentality remains permanently scarred. My father was always in a financial crisis and his abject fear permeated our household. His fear was unjustified – he was a solicitor working for a giant industrial company on a good salary and had a wealthy father who eventually passed on considerable assets. I have never been able to rid myself of the fear of want, absurd as I know it to be. Somehow if all we had to do was chop wood and carry water the whole thing would be far easier. The problem is the immense complexity and difficulty our man made economic and political system has foisted us with. Despite the fact we live in an infinite universe on a still beautiful planet, we have allowed property ownership. So if I want to chop wood and carry water I must rent a piece of land off somebody who claims to own it. If I want to earn my daily bread, either I must persuade others that I have something they want and get them to pay for it (salesmanship – ugh) or I must act as a slave and work in somebody else’s horrible office or dark satanic mill. I’m sorry to say that although I am no anarchist, no political activist, evolution has made us just the same as any other animal – keep off my patch, its all mine. So your bravery is right. We need to create a society where profit is not the motive and where resources are shared. Where we can chop wood and carry water without asking the permission of a landlord or a factory owner. We need a better world and you are leading the way. Bravo!
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There is another way. From the place of abundance rather than scarcity. From the place of love and understanding that money is a (necessary) illusion. It is easy to say, in practice to live in line with these beliefs is extremely hard. Small experiments like this I guess aid the liberation, baby step by baby step.