It is important to define what “self-love” is, however. It is not the praise of our parents or society for “doing well” or “achieving.” It is not the easy victories of vanity, of being beloved by the outside world. Those things feel good, of course, but if one’s self-esteem is built on that, one’s self-esteem inevitably collapses when that is taken away. Self-love means letting yourself fuck up and embracing that. It is a kind and gentle attitude towards one’s self. It means allowing ourselves to feel whatever we feel without judgment, but with love and attention. When we allow this, something happens, we can feel actual joy for life. As I’ve said before, “doing” stops being the lens we see the world. We can just be, just as we are, imperfect beings of light. 

Anthony Tshering is a mindfulness-based, existential psychotherapist located in Brooklyn, New York who occasionally writes for Buddhist publications such as Tricycle. I included two quotes here but I recommend to read Anthony’s whole blog post here or indeed his whole blog. He has an interesting perspective.

Even the statement, “I want you to be happy” is an imperfect one to say to a child… saying you want your child to be happy, implies that if a child doesn’t feel happy, then they are doing something wrong… I suggest an alternative: telling a child that it’s ok to feel whatever they feel, allowing them to express who they are, and then going from there.