I have been reflecting on what snapped me out of emptiness. Why, suddenly, after 2 years of nothingness, everything started moving again?
Those 2 years were terrifying – spiritually, financially, socially and emotionally. Yet it was scarier to go back to the old ways and walk in yet another circle. The big achievement was persevering, believing, loving myself through it while continuing to disintegrate (positively), to face emptiness daily and reminding myself to remember and trust.
During this time my spiritual practice grew. As part of the emptiness practice, I explored the dark recesses of my shadow, studied emptiness and experienced no self. I renewed my devotional practice and explored new styles of meditation. I became emptier. Or so I hope. And yet, what exactly did I do to end the emptiness practice?
It took leaving the mind behind yet again (or rather for my mind to give up) to realise that stepping outside of myself, beyond my self-centredness is what did it. For 2 years I was wallowing in self-pity, feeling sorry for myself and how unfair life was being on me, me, me, me. Self-centredness like a broken record kept the sad story spinning, escalating pain and suffering, both of which kept feeding ego. Oh, poor me, look at me and my sad life, how so very unfair!
Things started moving again when I stepped out of self-centredness, reached out and helped someone else. We need to be shocked, shaken into transformation, says Andy Rotman. He also says that to stop clinging, we need to get giving. Huh.
So if you are stuck spiritually, check in with your ego. Are you stuck in self-centredness? Snap out of it and look around. Reach out, help out – anyone, anything. Feed everyone, said Maharaj-ji. He meant food but also energy. Give your energy to someone or something. That will get your universe spinning again.