How bemusing we, humans, are.
One day I find myself in the darkest of despairs. It happens more often and particularly acutely during late fall/ winter months. Everything seems bleak, dark energy inside awakens like a heavy spring that was kept under pressure so well all these months, and suddenly emerges unwound, destroying everything in its way, engulfing everything in the thick toxic clouds of self doubt, loneliness, meaninglessness. Why go on? What’s the point? I hate my life – are some of the thoughts dashing through a mind physically wound by the toxicity of this emotional waste.
You think you will never be loved. You think you don’t deserve love. You think you failed at everything and achieved nothing. You struggle to get on with things. You don’t want to see anyone. You are not kind. You are not patient. You want to stay inside, curl into foetal position somewhere in the corner, become invisible and quietly expire, cease to exist, dissolve back into the Universe…
Then you get up after a good night’s sleep, you realise you received a tax rebate/ salary increase/ bonus/ all of the above, you make the best scrambled eggs ever, you have a naughty piece of lovely cake/ chocolate/ else, your partner is not in the mood and you get an unsolicited hug/ kiss/ pat on the head, you smell the roses/ chrysanthemums/ whatever plant you have in your house, and suddenly being is filled with unbearable lightness and you are flying through life like a unicorn on the rainbow cloud.
WTF, if you ask me. One day you want to die, another – you are on top of the world. Can we not be a bit more balanced? Predictable? Bang on in the middle?
Here is what I want myself to remember next time I wake up to despair – there are 4 immediate treatments to resuscitate happiness, or at least internal balance, back to life: meditate, sleep, write or read a book by someone spiritual. You will feel better right away.
What do you normally do to snap back?